Odd girl out

October 15, 2017, 10:23 am

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I try not to ever see myself as a ''victim.'' I don't really like that term, unless it's truly accurate. But, lately, I feel like the odd girl out, as though it's hard to really fit in, somewhere. What I mean, is I left religion about five years ago, and back then, I lost a few Christian friends. I felt like the odd girl out. Then, I eventually claimed that I was an atheist, and felt a sense of belonging, until...I gravitated towards faith again, a few years ago. Then, I was the odd girl out among my atheist friends. They never really shunned me, but they definitely made me feel like I wasn't entirely a part of them. We've moved past that now, i love my friends, but I know that they don't understand why I'm spiritual, again. It's not even worth explaining, because if you are an atheist, you might not get it. If you are spiritual, you might not get why I strayed from belief in the first place. Again, that odd girl out feeling returns.

Now, upon finding out that I have a middle eastern heritage, my dad's weird secret that he kept from me until a few weeks ago, I find myself feeling that strange left out feeling. He doesn't want to be a part of exploring our middle eastern side, maybe because he associates the middle east with endless religious and political conflict. He has shared bits and pieces of his views, and left the conversation with ''you're on your own with this.'' Odd girl out...again.

I wonder if anyone can identify with feeling like the odd one out with family or friends...maybe at your place of work? Most days, it doesn't bother me, but after this thing with my dad, it does.

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Not much to say

February 1, 2018, 6:16 pm

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Don't have much to say today, but I just wanted to share a random observation. Probably everyone notices this, but no one seems to care. I don't know. I find that social media, forums, etc...there are so many people trying to one up each other, with the wittiest saying, or catch phrase. It would be refreshing if people were more real on the internet, but maybe that's why some enjoy it so much...because they can become their very best fake self.

I think it's causing me to spend less time on FB, IG, even on forums. I have a friend who loves a quote ''I'd rather be hated for who I really am, than loved for who I'm not.''

Clearly, that quote was uttered before the advent of the internet.

Randomness

February 25, 2018, 7:11 pm

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Dear blog;

Life has been a mixture of ups and downs, but I'm finding joy, even in the downs. I used to run away from the downs, but now, I stop, and reflect on them. Did I somehow cause the downs? Or is it just life springing them upon me? I like knowing that I'm in control of how I see the downs, and they don't have to ruin a good day, or my entire life. They are learning moments, and the ups are taken from the downs. Without both, life wouldn't be what it is. And they usually don't last very long, sometimes, they're just feelings, nothing more than feelings.

On another note, I think I'm done watching The Walking Dead. It went from a cult classic, to really boring writing, and I may just binge it all when it's over. I wonder what happens with shows like this, why they try to fix something that's not broken.

The weekend

March 3, 2018, 9:49 am

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Beautiful weather. Hubby doesn't have to work. We can enjoy our time together, without the intrusion of watches, and clocks telling us where we need to be next. I want to just stare up at the pretty blue sky, sipping coffee at a close by bistro, as we talk about nothing meaningful, and everything meaningful, all at once. I feel rested, and happy. I think the weekend is like a rebirth of sorts, where we can unwind, and start over. My nails are painted a nice shade of light pink right now, and the color reminds me of the season. Soon spring will be here, and the flowers will be in full bloom. I hear birds chirping, and it's hard to believe that other parts of the country are still suffering in the cold and snow.

The weekend conjures up many good thoughts and feelings for me. Do you feel the same?

Expectations

April 2, 2018, 3:30 pm

≫ Next: Chronicles of a former prude

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I was talking with someone today about expectations, how we sometimes have totally unrealistic ones, of others and even ourselves. When I was an atheist, I had unrealistic expectations of who or what I thought a god should be. I'm not following religion anymore, but believe, again. I have stopped expecting God to do what I wish, and likewise, I've learned to stop expecting too much from others. We tend to get angry when someone doesn't say what we want, or do what we like. I have lost a few friends from coming back to believing in God, and I remember losing some when I was an atheist, and left faith. We simply can't please everyone. And that's okay. I'm good with understanding that, finally.

And I've stopping having too many expectations of my own father. Last year, he shared with me that we are part middle eastern, and he kept that ''secret'' from me until last year. I had all these ideas, that we would start incorporating middle eastern culture into our everyday life, or at least holiday life. But, he wouldn't stand for it. (My dad can be really stubborn.) I fought him on this for a time, and decided, nah...it's pointless. It doesn't make him wrong, and me right, to want to pursue this. I don't need his blessing, anyway. I can do this on my own, explore my own family's history without him being a part of it.

Expectations. I stopped expecting people to act like I want them to act, and just accepting them where they are. Not that we should have zero standards, I don't mean it like that. But, your expectations of someone else, might not be realistic as to where they are at, in their own life. In their own mindsets. I'm glad I finally accepted this, because I'm more at peace.

Chronicles of a former prude

April 10, 2018, 4:13 pm

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While I consider myself spiritual now, there was a time when I was very religious, about five years ago. I left Christianity then, and waded through atheism and Buddhism, for a few years. I eventually came back to belief in God. I share this because I think it was when I was super religious, that I bought into the idea that sex outside of marriage is a dirty thing, and that I was dirty for even thinking about it, then. I had sex with a few guys when I was in relationships with them, but always had this tinge of guilt, deep inside of me. What was I so guilty over? What was I doing wrong? It must be all that religious residue that was still stuck to me, and it's hard to wash off.

Then, I got married last year, and you'd think that all of my prudish ways would just poof, disappear, right? Well, no. I'm still somewhat prudish, or at least I feel that way when I run across sexually adventurous people When I read threads on HF, I cringe thinking about what some people consider doing sexually, because...well, that's the prude lurking. I don't judge anyone, or their sexual appetites, but for me, my desires are still suppressed by the idea that feeling lust, and exploring how far one's lust can take them, is somehow wrong. It's obviously wrong if your lust carries you to places that hurt others, but between consenting adults? I shouldn't cringe. Maybe there's a part of me that wishes I was more adventurous, but at the same time, I think that restraint is somewhat good. I'm torn between wanting to shed my prudish ways, yet hold onto them for whatever reason.

My husband is somewhat adventurous, and in an odd way, he tells me that my prudish side turns him on. When he begs for me to try something new, I give in, and perhaps that is the turn on for both of us, a rush that causes me to want to try more. Like filling a cup of water up to the brim, then teetering the cup with my hand, until the liquid gently splashes onto the floor. That's my sex life since getting married. lol The spilling over feels sooo good.

I've dated sexually daring guys before my husband, and they too liked my prudish ways, but I don't believe that lust is bad, or that experimenting is wrong, anymore. These thoughts should have been banished along with my former religious ways, but some things take time. I'll be patient with myself, and thankfully, I found a man who enjoys watching me blossom with my sexual views.

I'll leave it there.

A letter to my grandmother

April 12, 2018, 4:48 pm

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Dear grandma;

It goes without saying, that ever since you left, my life hasn't been the same. I have a good life, though. You'd be very happy for me. I married an amazing man last year, you knew him. You met him. He was a good friend of mine, and he would come to your house to fix things when I was between boyfriends. You always made him a nice meal.

You have been gone for just over three years, but there are days, when it feels like you just died, yesterday. The sting of it all comes back, and I cry uncontrollably all over again. Out of nowhere, I'll hear a song that reminds me of you, or smell a familiar scent that takes me back to your delicious cooking.

But, what I miss the most, is your love. Your patience. My parents love me, I know. But, your love was different. It was unassuming, unconditional. You really understood me, and told me when I was wrong. I'd listen to your advice, and while sometimes it wasn't always easy to hear, I still ended up following it. You guided me, and I could literally run to your house, and cry over any topic at all, and somehow...in your own special way...you would comfort me. The weight of the world would fall away, and it felt like it was just you and me in all of the universe, holding hands.

I have some really amazing friends, who support me, and a genuinely loving husband, who is completely there for me. But, he isn't you. No one will ever be you. And I guess that's fine. I can't have those types of expectations of people, you were one of a kind. Just like they are one of a kind. But, grandma....I miss you.

I miss your wisdom.
I miss your hugs.
I miss the way you would help me to move obstacles out of my way, so I could be brave.
I miss your insights, courage, and faith.

You had faith in me, and you expected me to have faith in me. To believe in myself. To stop being guarded and afraid. Well, I'll have you know, I'm so much less guarded and fearful than I used to be. I never thought I could move on past your death, but I have. Life is still a little less bright though, without you in it. I wonder if I'll ever see you again. If somewhere out in the great cosmic abyss, if you'll call my name, and I'll hear you.

If I'll call your name, and you'll hear me?

Someday, I'll find out. I miss you, and all that you were. And all that I never knew, and will never know. ​

The Rain

April 15, 2018, 1:56 pm

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Sitting here still, watching the rain. There's something about a rainstorm that's calming and comforting. As the water hits the pavement and slickers the grass, it feels like it's instructing me to stay still. There's no rush, I don't need to leave the house. It's okay to do nothing for a moment, or two. The stillness and quiet feels good. I can't hear any cars whizzing by or airplanes in the sky, just the hammering of water droplets falling on my windows and rooftop. I like the sound of rain, and how it drowns out life. Quiets everything and everyone around you, even birds take cover, and you can barely hear their faint chirping in the distance.

The rain stopped a few minutes ago, which means I need to move, get busy, do things. Be productive. But, for those 30 minutes, the rain let me slow down, and think about everything and nothing, all at once. Until, I only thought of it. How powerful the sky is, and how I'll never really understand clouds.

I hear birds chirping again, and the whirring of airplane engines overhead. Looking outside, the sun is trying to peek through the silver ribbons of clouds, and the cycle of nature begins anew. After rain, comes the sun...and perhaps, a blurry rainbow. In about an hour, the sidewalks will be dry, and it will seem like all of what I'm telling you, never happened at all. But, it did. That's the tricky part about rain. It leaves you with a good story, but maybe only one that you believe.

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I long for a new narrative

April 17, 2018, 4:22 pm

≫ Next: Somewhere, in the middle east.....

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Sometimes, I wish there was a refreshing narrative out there, that would wow me. That would be so astonishingly different, that I'd nearly pee my pants. But, all the narratives seem like herd mentality gone wild. Political narratives, PC narratives, feminism narratives, sexual narratives, and on and on it goes. Boring. I fall prey to preaching and following the narratives at times, too. Maybe that's just the human condition, but we're in need of a cure.

Where are all the Aristotles of the world? The Nietzsches? They didn't follow the cultural narratives, they were just so different and unique for their time. Although, I've read that some of these famous philosophers were sexist. Kind of odd that such brilliant men, would be so dense when it came to women, but I guess they followed a cultural narrative, even back then.

Maybe we're all doomed to just swallowing the narrative, and spitting it back out. Some days, I wish it were different, though.

Somewhere, in the middle east.....

April 19, 2018, 7:22 pm

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It seems really strange that someone would dislike his/her own ethnicity, but my father does. Some of you may have read a blog of mine from last year, that talked about how my dad shared with me that I'm roughly 1/3 middle eastern. This was something he kept from me all of my life, until last year. He didn't know however, until he was an adult, as well. His dad kept it from him, too. And, the Dysfunctional Family Award goes to...??

Fast forward to today, and my dad is slowly coming around. I think that my dad associates being middle eastern (he's 50%) with the region's ongoing conflict - both political and religious. So much chaos happening in the middle east, he is afraid of getting too close to it. But, I explained...''you are who you are." (We are Iranian and Syrian, by the way.)

So, I shared with him that I'd like to learn Arabic, and he cringed. He said that he'd support me from afar. That's progress. I really would like to explore my roots, even though I may be doing this alone. My husband supports me completely, and so do my friends. It would be nice if my dad jumped on the train, but...can't have everything. Baby steps. He's the most stubborn man on the planet, I do believe.

But for now, I will share some photography from the region.

Women's attire:



I could totally see myself wearing that

A woman about to pray:



Local cuisine:




I hope to visit there, someday.

Love

April 24, 2018, 6:09 am

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Love.

Do you understand it? Have you felt it? Has it ever hurt you? If you had to describe it, could you?

It leaves us speechless, yet drives us mad enough to scream. It makes us feel hot…wet….squirmy. Bothered.My love texts me all through the day, asking me if he can make me “feel good,” later. I play coy, ‘’what do you mean?’’ But, I know what he means. And I like this game too much. The sex we have. The way he pushes me against a wall, yet softly sweeps the hair from my face. His constant back and forth of extreme masculinity, and gentleness. This man desires me, and that feeling alone, is good enough. I could freeze the feeling and feel sky high perched on a cloud, for the rest of any given week.

Slipping his hand slowly up my thigh, under my skirt, my eyes close and I float away into another world for those minutes. It’s hot. Always hotter than the time before, we muse.

Love makes us feel vulnerable, intense, triggered, sexy. It feels light one minute, and a bit of a burden, the next. Will I be a good enough wife? Lover? Friend? These vows that I took last year, will I be able to keep them? Will he? This is the scary side of love. The promises. The uncertainty. The depth of trust that it takes to stay committed. Forgiveness when things are not easy, and compassion when you want to beselfish.

Once upon a time, I had a very large, sturdy wall built up to shield me from this type of thing. Brick by brick, Ibuilt it myself with my bare hands. I was proud of it. Each layer of mortar kept me safe. I dated, and had fun, but my wall was always ever present. It can be difficult to carry a wall everywhere you go, but I managed. Until one day, a friend asked for more than friendship. I was tentative, but we slowly began dating. I always thought that he was sexy, smart, strong, masculine, but we were always seeing other people, and it never occurred to us to stop all that, and give us a try. Could there ever be an us? Would itruin the friendship?

Well, I married that man. With all ofour flaws, fears and hang ups. We accept each other. We love each other as a whole being, not just the prettyparts. Brick by brick, with both of our bare hands we dismantled it, and my wall crumbled to the ground. And, I don't miss it, anymore. I don't need it, anymore. I probably never needed it.

But, ya know, love can’t do this by itself, you have to want it. You have to choose to love. You have to stop building walls, and let someone in.

You have to want to be loved.

And I do.

My Favorite Things

April 24, 2018, 7:04 pm

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A beautiful sun filled sky, no clouds, and a gentle breeze...my sundress blows at my feet, as I sit on the porch, sipping ice tea.

Rain, slapping hard against the windows, while I'm trying to nap.

A delicious, healthy smoothie

His warm mouth on my body

Gourmet jelly beans. All for me, none for you (just kidding, I'll share)

Memories of lessons I've learned, when I learned them, and how far I've come

The teasing game, mmm

Feeling accomplished

A great workout that leaves you dripping with sweat, and satisfied

Blueberry pancakes

Chia seed pudding

When he tells me I'm so pretty

My wedding day

Rainbows that seem to have no end, no pot of gold, but pull you in, just the same

A new pair of sexy heels that I know he'll notice

His kisses on my thighs

An amazing, long over due massage

Friendships that you never have to question

Riveting books that you end up reading twice

When he looks at me, with that look



Love. It all doesn't matter without that.

Herd Mentality

April 29, 2018, 10:32 am

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I think that it's part of the human condition to wish to be accepted, validated and affirmed by others. We tend to find conformity easier or more comfortable than walking to the beat of our own drum. With social media adding to the pressure to be the same as everyone else, it's often not difficult to see why people fall into herd mentality. I'm guilty of it, I'm sure you are, too. But, when it comes to bullying, or marginalizing people, that's where I don't get why people think that following the rest of the sheep is a good idea. Even though the #metoo movement has blown the top off of the pressure cooker of sexism, sexual harassment and scandals by powerful men, there's still this undercurrent of sexism that exists. I've been subjected to it in my career path, and have seen other friends of mine go through it, too.

Same with racism. You'd think that in the year 2018, we would be above looking down at others, strictly because of their skin color, but think again. There are still a lot of people who think they're superior to other ethnic groups, simply because of their race. It's just mind boggling, but as a person who has a diverse ethnic background, I really need to speak up when I see it going on. Racism isn't over, just because there are laws in place to stop injustices that used to be so pervasive. It's a problem of the heart, which is why it's hard to root out.

If you see racism, how do you deal with it? Do you speak up, and defend those who are being mistreated, or do you just sit there and watch it all happen? Do you chime in? Sometimes, doing nothing and watching the herd stampede over the minority, is worse than being part of the stampede.

Just what's on my mind, today.

Grief and loss

May 1, 2018, 3:13 pm

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Dear journal;

I wish I could somehow find a way to get past grieving over my grandmother. She died three years ago, and I miss her as though her death just happened, yesterday. I'm not a melancholy mess every day thinking about her, and I've learned to drive by certain eateries and smile...remembering being with her, there. But, late at night, when my husband goes to sleep, and the bedroom is quiet...I think of her. I just miss her way.

My parents have always been there for me, and I love them, but my mom has always been a bit of a push over with my dad, and my dad is pretty dominant. I want to believe they love me for me, and they probably do, but my grandmother. She made me feel special and always listened to my dating woes and insights on life. I try to explain my loss to my husband, and it's hard because he wasn't as close to his grandmother who died a few years ago, as I was to mine. He's comforting, but maybe no one can really comfort me through this. I just have to learn to comfort myself?

I guess this is what grief feels like. This stagnant, painful ache that sort of settles in your heart, and just lays there. Some days, it's dormant, or you're so busy with the details of life, that it just sort of goes silent. The pain subsides, and you feel good. You feel relieved...finally, maybe I'm past this, you think. But, then, something triggers it all back. You meet unkind people, or you feel defeated for some reason, at work or wherever you might be, and boom. The ache throbs, and it all floods back. The memories, and all the things that I wish I had done, when she wanted me to do them. I think that's one of the toughest parts of loss and grief, is knowing that when she was here, I dragged my feet on so many things. And, now she's not here to see all the things I've done. All the things she asked me to do, because she knew they'd be good for me.

I'm grateful for the time I had with her, but how could having love, and losing it...be better than never having it at all? How can that even be? I would never feel like this. No one would ever feel like this. And then there are people in your life who tell you to go see someone, talk it out. Talk what out? Pay someone to watch me cry over my grandmother? And try to psychoanalyze me in the process. Seems pointless.

But, I'll feel like this until I no longer do. And that's the process of grief. And the scary part is, it may never fully go away. There will always be this void, this hole that she filled. How to fill it, I don't know.

This feeling really sucks.

The Path to Sunday

May 6, 2018, 11:15 am

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Before I left Catholicism about five years ago, I attended mass (what Catholics call Sunday services) every single Sunday. I never missed. I used to attend confession, too on most weeks, and really felt close to God, then.

When I left the faith, it wasn't an overnight thing. It was probably culminating for a year, because over time, I stopped going to mass. Stopped reading the Bible. Stopped praying and going to confession. Until one day, I became very indifferent to it all. Faith seemed like a waste of time, and Jesus had become someone I thought was a myth. Or maybe not a historical myth, but a supernatural one.

My grandmother died a little over three years ago, and then I came to a crossroads, with it all. I was identifying as an atheist, but felt empty inside. Like is this all there is, the here and now? I never considered myself a materialist, but maybe in some ways, I felt more agnostic than anything.

Fast forward to two years ago, and I had a holy spirit experience, at least this is what I've come to believe. Faith is all about belief, a personal belief. I don't need to convince you of my belief, but my experience felt real to me. I think that whatever your beliefs are, if you feel at peace with it, that's all that matters. But, the narratives are hard to ignore in our secular world. We are told that nothing exists, that we came from nothing.

The universe came from one, big Nothing?

I don't choose to see it that way. I believe that Something caused all of what we see and touch, and feel. Deism makes sense in this regard, but leaves me longing for a personal God. Maybe I'll never get away from wanting that personal connection with God. I have experienced too many blessings to just chalk it all up to luck, or happenstance. I think things happen for reasons, some we control, but some we don't. In a way, I feel like pre-determinism makes sense, yet we can still exercise self control and our own free will.

Today, is Sunday and as I type this though, I'm reminded of not going to church, like I used to. I do sometimes, on holidays, and I tend to go to non-denominational type services. It's hard to find preachers who resonate with me, and aren't all in it for the money. I love studying world religions, it's so fascinating to me to see what others all across the world believe, and practice. And there is a lot to garner from all of these belief systems. If anything, it shows that we yearn to understand the big ''I don't know'' of the universe. We want to see what we cannot see, and make sense of what we can't make sense of.

But, as far as Sundays go, it's still a little weird to not show up for mass like I used to. It's part of my past now, and one in which I cherish in some, small way. This day will always be nostalgic for me, because it was once a part of my path that led to where I am, now.

I should go thank a priest, today.

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Marriage and how to be a good wife?

May 12, 2018, 9:02 am

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Dear journal;

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I need to find the perfect gift for my mom, today. My parents are pretty wealthy, so what do you buy for someone who seems to have everything? Hmm. Maybe spending time with her, more time with her, that's what she'd like. She would probably want me to attend Catholic mass with her tomorrow, but I'm afraid that won't happen. I indulge my parents now and again, and go to church with them on holidays, but it's not something that I can see myself doing tomorrow.

We are planning to see my husband's mom tomorrow, as well. It's weird how things change when you get married. You go from only concerning yourself with yourself, and your own life, to needing to look out for someone else and their interests. To be a good wife, what does this mean, I wonder? I married an amazingly down to earth guy, who always seems to put me first. In turn, I try to do the same, but sometimes, without thinking, I don't always consider his feelings or input on something. It's a work in progress, and marriage/relationships can often times reveal things about yourself, that you didn't really think much about. And sometimes, I don't always like what I see in me. A selfishness that I wish wasn't there. It doesn't feel purposeful, and maybe we're all a little selfish.

I think being a good spouse varies for different people, but there's definitely sacrifice involved. You don't always get your own way, and that's not such a bad thing. Becoming a partnership with equity and respect, is what we strive for in our relationship. The awesome thing is, I was friends with him before we started dating. So, we have a special trust built, and to me, that's the crux of a good relationship. Of course, hot sex and chemistry is important, but without trust...without mutual equity, you don't have much. I don't want to ever turn into a couple that remains together, just because. I pray we always keep striving to be better for each other. However that looks.

I want to be a good wife... a great wife. He deserves that.

Feeling let down

May 13, 2018, 3:07 pm

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Feeling down today. Surprised, and overwhelmed, perhaps. I used to be friends with a guy who did a lot of terrible things. Told a lot of lies to me and our friends, stole money, etc. He has had a lot of issues. I lost touch with him about two years ago, and then I saw him out and we stay in touch from time to time. Nothing all that personal. My life has changed, and so has his. But, he is sorrowful for all he's done wrong. I believe in second chances, if people are sorry for how they've acted in the past. That doesn't mean I suggest being their best friend, but...I believe in forgiveness. Well, a few of my friends found out about this - we were all friends with him, at one time. They have chosen to shun him, and treat him like an outcast, even though at one time, he was a part of our circle. Anyways, now they are shunning me. I just can't believe the pettiness of some of my close friends, to treat me differently because I've chosen to not shun this guy.

I feel like the odd girl out a lot. Today, is one such day.

Bigoted Ideas

May 18, 2018, 3:58 pm

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I have a good friend who has been in my life for about ten years. We went out for dinner recently, and had a chat about all kinds of things. She's an atheist, as most of my friends are. I know she's a true friend when she didn't take offense to me turning back to a spiritual life. (I went through a short period of identifying as an atheist)

We got to talking about one of her friends from work who is gay and getting married. My friend, who I thought I knew so well, expressed her disdain for the gay lifestyle...saying ''it's not normal'' and ''who is he fooling by getting married?'' I said, ''who is he fooling, what?'' And she proceeded to explain that she feels that gay people are trying to mimic heterosexuals in marriage, and living lives ''like we do,'' is how she put it. I replied by asking her why it even bothers her, if someone who's gay at her work wants to get married. It shouldn't. If two consenting adults want to have sex, it's their business. I felt this way when I was a religious Christian, I felt this way as an atheist, and I feel this way now, returning to my belief in God.

She listened to me, and I think that part of the problem for her is that she came from a bigoted, religious household, growing up. Her parents are racist and apparently homo-phobic (I don't like that term, but it fits here, I guess) and unfortunately, no matter how hard we try to shed the demons from our childhood, they come back to haunt us, sometimes. In the most unexpected ways. My friend is a good person, she truly is. I don't want her to be a bigot. I don't even feel right calling her that, and maybe it's not my place to call anyone that. If you don't like something, it's your right. You're entitled to your own opinion.

But, my friend has bigoted ideas.

And she would be wise to stay open minded to what she is currently ignorant over, and not allow herself to judge or misjudge a group of people who simply, in my eyes, are trying to find love like the rest of us. Bigotry comes from a place of ignorance, and fear. This has always been my opinion.

On a secular level, heterosexuals are getting divorced left and right, it's not like we can say to gay people ''hey, we've got this down, so let us tell you what to do,'' because we don't know what we're doing, either. And ironically, Christian evangelicals have the highest divorce rates. Irony is a funny thing, especially when the lowest divorce rates come from atheists.

But, interestingly, bigoted ideas can come from religious people, and non-religious types, just the same. It's an attitude, and perhaps a learned one. If we can learn something though, we can unlearn it.

Randomishness

May 22, 2018, 6:28 pm

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1. I hate airports. I could never work in one. Flying, I like. Airports, not so much.

2. Love vegan makeup products, and I’m a big advocate of cruelty free cosmetics.

3. I’m kinda liking the rain lately, it’s like nature in a depressed state or something.

4. Not into most books and movies that critics rave over. I usually love the worst movies with the worst ratings. What could this mean?

5. I’m planning to learn how to speak Arabic. Since finding out that I’m part middle eastern, I think it’d be cool.

6. I’m very social but not gonna lie...love being alone, too. It’s important.

7. Think I’m going to paint my nails sky blue tonight.

8. Love to sleep in on weekends.

9. I love hot stone massages. I want one so much!

10. I love time with friends, those who truly get me.

11. I don’t trust easily but when I become someone’s friend, I’ll always be there for him/her.

What I'm Doing on My Day Off

May 24, 2018, 7:40 pm

≪ Previous: Randomishness

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Soon to be Friday, May 25

I'm taking the day off, and intending on enjoying a wonderful four days away from work. I really like my job, but SO looking forward to some time off. Even if it's only a few days.

Tomorrow, I plan to sleep in, wake up when I want. My husband will be at work, so the day will be all mine. I'm going to work out fasted. Not sure if you've ever tried that before, but it's good to change up your workouts now and then. Then, going to meet a friend for brunch at this amazing healthy/organic restaurant in town, that has to-die-for chia seed pudding made with coconut milk, and fresh fruit...wheatgrass shots...and egg white omelettes. The best in town, if you ask me.

After that, need to part ways with my friend, and get some errands done. Then, I'm going to clean, and do some laundry, so the weekend will be completely free for the hubs and I to enjoy without annoying chores and distractions. I feel like two days is never quite enough for the weekend, because you're always needing to get stuff done you couldn't do or wouldn't do, during the week, but...you also want to play and have fun. It's a hard balance sometimes.

I would like to head to the mall and window shop...maybe buy a new pair of heels for work. Hoping for some decent Memorial Day sales. And anything else the day wishes to charm me with.......